IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		you wanted a teammate who’d be there in the trenches every single time, as well as a guy you’d like your daughter to marry...
… hello Rory Sloane.
Brisbane Lions
 		the Lions want to re-emerge as a contender...… they can’t play their best midfielder, and maybe their best player, Tom Rockliff, as a tagger.
Carlton
 		your manager tells the footy world you want your club to make a compelling case for you to stay with it...… you need to make sure you don't leave yourself open to having the club ask the same thing of you, given the dollars your are seeking.
Collingwood
 		there was pressure on Bucks after the loss to Freo...… it could be ramped up to bursting point after the games to come against the Sydney Swans, Geelong, Richmond, North and Essendon.
Essendon
 		you had forgotten how brilliant Mark Thompson had been as a coach, and, hand is up here...… we got a timely reminder last Friday night. Genius.
Fremantle
 		you need more evidence that a Ross Lyon-coached team operates to military-style precision......look at the number of rotations last week. 118. The most in the comp, two short of the allowance. Dockers were the 'freshest’ looking team, too.
Geelong
 		Cats fans were worried about the loss of Pods and Chappy......don’t be.  Jimmy will be the man this year.
Gold Coast
 		Gaz has the rightful hold on the status as best player in the comp...
...make sure you watch the Suns game on Saturday night. The man who this column believes could have that title by the end of the year goes up against him. New favourite player, Fyfe
Greater Western Sydney

 		the Giants really have arrived in the AFL...
... the Saints will be easy-beats on Saturday. Though Riewoldt might have something to say about that.
Hawthorn
 		Luke Breust really has been working on his goal-kicking all summer …… look out, he’ll kick 55-plus this year.
Melbourne
 		Jack Watts can play that well last week......we want to see it again and again. And again. And then one more time after that.
North Melbournethe Roos don’t beat the Dogs at Etihad this Sunday night......they'd better get ready for a very justified, long-time-coming, old-fashioned, you-truly-deserve-it media mauling.
Port Adelaide
 		Quadzilla (yes, that’s Ollie Wines’ nickname) rubbed it into opposition teams last year for not picking him......he’s going to rub it on some more this year. Lemon juice on gaping-wound style.
Richmond
 		this column is going to stand for something this year...
 		...it is this: it will not rest until Jack Riewoldt is reinstated as THE man in the Tigers' forward line. Tyrone Smyrone.
St Kilda
 		the judges we rely on to tell us about St Kilda are right......Luke Dunstan will become an instant A-grader.
Sydney Swans
 		Buddy is still a star......he’ll strut his way round round ANZ Stadium on Saturday night and lead his new club to a win. But is he still a star? Is he?
West Coast
 		you didn’t have the Eagles in your top 8, and hand is up again here......concede you got it wrong. Right now.
Western Bulldogsthe Pies and Roos were the major disappointments of round one......the Bulldogs weren’t far behind. Very disappointing in Perth.

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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian