If I can be serious for a minute I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all my readers and the Collingwood Football Club.
I am addicted to the party drug oryza sativa.
You may know it by its more fashionable street name – rIce.
I have been using rIce for some time now both in its quick fix form of steamed and also in its more potent and potentially deadly form of fried.
I foolishly thought I could successfully manage my professional life while hiding my addiction from view.
I foolishly believed I could juggle business with my secret pleasure.
I foolishly thought I could control my rIce addiction.
That was until I found myself in a non descript Chinese restaurant on Thursday night when I should have been at Lexusland basking in the glow that is Conno and Driver’s Pie Night radio solarium.
It wasn’t until I was halfway through my Peking duck that I realized my rIce addiction controlled me!
Having decided there and then to rehabilitate myself I informed the waiter to send the bill to the AFL since that is what they do in Western Australia.
It turned out he was not the waiter but the owner of Choo Mi Noodle who, whilst whacking my head with the menu, explained to me that I should pay since the AFL have already tried to help me by creating Ravioli Round.
I took his words onboard and lobbed up to the MCG the following night clean.Or was I?
I was clearly suffering some hallucinary effects from the night before because, despite seeing what I thought was Shane Wakelin warming up, the ground announcer kept insisting there was no change to our line up.
I started to get the sweats when our stand in captain Jimmy Clement trotted out to the centre square for the coin toss looking suspiciously like Josh Fraser.
It was then I remembered I’d had rIce bubbles for breakfast and Jimmy really was there only he’d taken the shape of 22 other footballers!
How else can you explain such a stirring comeback by a team with more rookies than the Chinese version of Star Wars? After producing more rubbish than Reg Grundy, the Pies went more ballistic than North Korea in the second half!!
Jimmy Toovey, Jimmy Dick and Jimmy Cox were as unflappable as flags on the moon.
Jimmy Presti started to get Richo under control.
Jimmy O’Brien already had Pettifer under control.
The Jimmy Shaws just kept running out of the back quicker than you can say vindaloo.
Jimmy Swan, Jimmy Obree, Jimmy Lockyer, Jimmy Fraser and Jimmy Burns seized power in the midfield and don’t get me started on Jimmy Davis!
Jimmy Davis was like speed cameras on the Western Ring Road – he was everywhere!
With nothing to cheer in the first half my voice became more hoarse than Tori Spelling’s face in just two quarters as Jimmy Rocca began turning every Magpie forward thrust into gold.
Maybe it’s the rIce talking but for ten minutes of football the Pies could actually be 3-0 with half the list injured!
Like wow man!!
Please note: the views expressed in the above article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Collingwood Football Club or employees of the club. The Collingwood Football Club would like to acknowledge the tireless work of its supporters who contribute to collingwoodfc.com.au.
