1: We are the world
IT'S ALL happening out at the International Cup, where traditional football superpowers such as ... err ... New Zealand and Papua New Guinea are taking on newcomers to the game such as China, which has managed to rustle up a team from its pool of 1.3 billion people, and Finland, the home of ... umm ... Finns.
We're a multicultural bunch here at The Four Points – we drive a Japanese car, enjoy a Swedish massage, buy pirated DVDs from China and make fun of the New Zealand accent – so we're delighted to see the world in Melbourne (and Geelong and Warrnambool) playing our great national game.
We're also pleased to see that fast-food vans were in attendance at the first round of matches. Mmmm, those whale burgers were tasty, and the baby harp seal sausages went down a treat. The only reservation was the over-hyped DJ-wannabe on the public address system making jokes about a Nauruan looking like Barney Rubble. Memo to over-hyped DJ-wannabe: Nauruans are scary.
2: Mind your language
IN HONOUR of the International Cup being played in the next couple of weeks, we present the following item in Finnish ...
AFL on avannut voi matoja sen tehostettua politiikkaa laittomien huumeiden, jos itse matoja tölkeissä ovat edelleen käytettävissä suurimmissa supermarketeissa. Huolemme on, hiusten testaus, kun otetaan huomioon, että hairless head tarkastelemme on erityisen muodikasta nuorten ja levoton vuonna jalkapallon maailmanmestaruuskilpailut.
Ei vain ovat shaven päänsä vogue - ja kyllä, meidän ymmärrettävä, jotkut pelaajat ovat luonnollisesti unburdened kanssa hiukset, kun ne ihanat päänsä - mutta monet pelaajat ovat myös innokkaasti alastomuutta, jalka ... joka johtaa meitä ihmetyttää, mistä kehon karvat näyte voitaisiin haetaan. Onko Brasilian joukkue International Cup?
Please cut and past the above here for an approximate translation if your Finnish is not up to speed.
3: What's in a name?
WITH the AFL overburdened with Jarrods, Jareds, Jarryds, Jarridds, Jahrrryyydds, etc, etc, ad infinitum, it's lovely to see the Melbourne Football Club, that bastion of crusty tradition, doing its duty by selecting the wonderfully-named Jack Grimes for his first AFL match.
Young Jack comes to us straight from the pages of a Dickens novel, working down t'pit, most likely, and probably scooting about with various vagabonds after his 22-hour shift in the coal mines. And we won't rest until Paul Sweedlepipe, Luke Honeythunder and Josiah Bounderby are also drafted.
4: Love is in the air
THERE'S a lot of love out there for naughty boys Alan Didak and Jeff Farmer. Many and varied teammates of Farmer have been expressing their hopes that Jeff will be offered another contract with Fremantle. Perhaps an incentive-based one-year deal with a free prescription for Angry Pills.
And the Magpies players have expressed their admiration for Didak's efforts this season by nominating him as one of Collingwood's three contenders for our favourite acronym-fest, the AFLPA MVP. LOL.
What to look for this Friday on afl.com.au
He had a Dream
Sadly we bid farewell to Dr Dream Team for another season, but he's here for one last clever-dick rant about the DT grand final before the Medical Standards Board takes him away.
Spring is in the air
Jason 'I've Got a Funny' Phelan has spat on his forefinger, stuck it out the window, waggled it about, and gauged the temperature and wind direction for his Footy Forecast. We predict gales of laughter.
A match
Keep up with all the colour and movement of Fremantle's blockbuster clash with Collingwood – Presti's back!!! – right here on afl.com.au
The views in this story are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL
