1: Living in the past

BELEAGURED Melbourne coach Dean Bailey says he’s had calls from fellow AFL coaches this week offering support in his time of trouble. Chin up. Turn that frown upside down. (Everybody sing ...) Always Look On the Bright Side of Life. That sort of stuff. He wouldn’t say which ones, although it’s probably safe to presume Geelong coach Bomber Thompson didn’t phone in to offer sage advice.

And Bails confused everyone with his jolly jape suggesting that Phil Jackson from the Chicago Bulls rang in with his best wishes. Jackson left the Bulls about 10 years, but from their reactions some of the journos present were as quick to get the joke as Demons players are to get Deano’s new game plan. And on that subject, sort of, here at The Four Points we’ve whacked a dollar on the Cats against the Dees. Next week, the column will be renamed The Four Cents.

2: Northern exposure

HAVING been pillaged when the Brisbane Bears were established in 1987, AFL clubs will be delighted that there won’t be any compulsory acquisition of players for the new Gold Coast Skyscrapers franchise. Reportedly, the Gold Coast Dreamworlds will be allowed to take only one uncontracted player from each other team, which may or may not include the West Sydney Whippersnippers.

When we say teams were pillaged way back when, we mean forced to hand over two reserves players, a retired ruckman with gammy knees and the lady who ran the tuck shop. But still, the principle’s the thing.

3: Sit on it and rotate

WE REMEMBER the days when league footballers were the sort of men who put two and two together and came up with … umm … three? Five? Now you have clever trousers such as Collingwood’s Nick Maxwell, who is trying to blind us with science on the issue of rotations. Rotations used to be called interchanges in the old days, like 2007.

Collingwood set a new benchmark – benchmark! Get it? Never mind – last week with 110 rotations. That’s the kind of thing that we used to do on the roundabout at the playground before getting dizzy and throwing up. This business has got to the point when the AFL is believed to be considering interchanges for the interchange stewards.

4: Ducking the issue

APPARENTLY Adelaide used Scott Stevens and Ken McGregor as “ruck decoys” against West Coast last round. Duck decoys we’ve heard of, both those wooden ones that shooters float about on ponds to lure real ducks down to be blasted to smithereens, and the paper bag-wearing ones that try to confuse the paparazzi stalking Wayne Carey. But ruck decoys?

It seems that, technically speaking, it involves faffing around in the ruck contests and really annoying the tall blokes, then grabbing the ball when it hits the ground. Kind of like being an irritating little brother. Or Tony Liberatore.

What to look for on afl.com.au this Friday

A clutch of coaches

What is the collective noun for a group of coaches? A sack? Ooops. Better not go there. Leigh Matthews, Dean Laidley and Alastair Clarkson will all appear before the media to offer pearls of wisdom, as will a few assistant coaches. A back-stab of assistants?

Stats, and lots of them

Nick Maxwell isn’t the only pointy head who can manipulate figures for his benefit. Oh no. We’ll dazzle you with some Rivalry Round facts and figures that will make your head spin quicker than the Magpies bench.