1: Expanding our horizons
A DIET of panda pizzle and monkey-neck soup has done wonders for our constitution, so we've been up all night here in Beijing poring over afl.com.au – comfortably gold medallist in the 58kg website category – and keeping ourselves up to the minute on all the footy news.
Naturally Olympic fever – ours is running at 37.9 degrees, but the lark's tongue and toe fungus concoction from our neighbour Mr Fu seems to be doing the trick – is infecting even the world of AFL.
Paul Roos has raised the old footballers versus athletes argument by wondering if the Olympics will encourage clubs to widen their recruiting net. We can see how a couple of Bulgarian weightlifters, a Kazakh wrestler and a fat Norwegian sailor might add a certain je ne sais quoi to the world of AFL. Maybe even an eight-year-old Chinese gymnast pretending to be 16. Not to mention the Polish women's volleyball team.
2: The young and the restless
OF COURSE we don't have to look overseas for surprise footy news. Adelaide shocked us all when they elevated Patrick Dangerfield from the Hoppers Crossing under-14s straight into their senior side for the match against Essendon on Saturday.
After a round of introductions in the dressing room before the match – "Hi Patrick. Pat? Paddy? P-Man? I'm Andrew. I've played 300 games. Have you met Craigy? – young Dangerfield will face the danger on the field. We're sure that the likes of Mal Michael will welcome him in a caring, sensitive and not at all painful way to the ranks of AFL players.
3: Misty water-coloured memories
ODDLY, Geelong's preliminary final loss to the Sydney Swans three years ago does not keep Cats skipper Tom Harley up at night. As he goes to bed cradling his 2007 premiership medallion, his mind doesn't wander to that terrible September night when Nick Davis pulled one out of his ar ... umm, kicked the freak goal that sent the Swans and not the Cats to the Big One.
As much as the assembled hacks at the Swans-Cats media conference on Thursday wanted Harley to break down sobbing and tearing at his hai ... umm, at his scalp, at the devastating memory of it all, big Tom declined. Yep, it was disappointing, but we gave it our all, and it doesn't provide any ammunition, etc, etc. A premiership, with another three or four on the way, and 5346 consecutive wins will do that to a bloke.
4: Hawks are coasting
POOR Guy McKenna has only been in the Gold Coast job for two days and already people are throwing impediments in his way. Nasty, nasty Hawthorn has deliberately gone and signed eight young blokes to contracts that will almost certainly prevent them from joining the Gold Coast Coast Guard Guys when the new club joins the AFL ranks.
And he's got the kiss of death from his boss Mick Malthouse, who took a short break from spitting venom at the media for picking on Collingwood to heap praise on Bluey. "He's an outstanding young bloke and I sincerely hope he has the chance to coach an AFL side," Malthouse said. "Just not this one," he didn't add. Mick then noted that all McKenna would need to worry about was someone with "a better name" coming along and taking the GC coaching job from him.
A better name? McKenna is a fine name. A solid Celtic name. Possessor of a family crest of "a green shield with a silver fess between three gold lions' heads affrontee". You couldn't make this stuff up. So maybe it was the "Guy" bit that Malthouse reckoned wasn't up to much. A new given name is required. Something with football cachet. Virginia? No, silly. Peter. Peter McKenna it is.
What to look for this Friday on afl.com.au
The doc and the DTs
Dr Dream Team is back in Melbourne after being expelled from Beijing for offering to "examine" the Polish women's volleyball team in his "consulting room". He's been doused with a bucket of cold water and asked to write something sensible about the Dream Team finals. We'll see.
Take the weather with you
Jason Phelan, a leg-waxer with the Polish women's volleyball team, has rushed back home to give us his Footy Forecast. And like you all, we're waiting with bated breath for the revelation of the cheer squad run-through wording.
Football. Real football
Forget the round-ball nonsense going on in China, we'll bring you all the news, with stats and video highlights, from the Port Adelaide-Collingwood clash right here on afl.com.au. And so thoughtful are we that we've even added a little box where you can keep up with the Olympics, and the perilous fate of the Polish women's volleyball team.
The views in this story are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL
