IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		the Crows don’t commit to forever remembering the sickness they’ve felt this week as the footy world has poured love and respect on their cross-town rival ...… it will be a motivational opportunity lost.
Brisbane Lions
 		this club doesn’t get its act together RIGHT NOW …… it will be the Bears revisited. It is that serious.
Carlton
 		Port Adelaide is the story of the finals – and it is …… Nick Duigan is running a very close second.
Collingwood
 		the jungle drums are being heard correctly ...… yet another big name will be departing the Pies. Maybe Harry O?
Essendon
 		Essendon doesn’t have a coach, a footy ops boss, a high performance manager or a doctor, and does have a CEO with only interim status, yet still finds time and money to fire off a legal threat to a rival club …… it needs yet another reality check.
Fremantle
 		Aaron Sandilands does indeed need to wear a helmet …… what's he trying to avoid hitting him? The door-frame on the way out of the rooms?
Geelong
 		the Cats are knocked out in straight sets …… we can officially draw a line on one of the most successful eras ever.
Gold Coast
 		a lot of AFL players do as we think they do, and spend about 45 seconds analysing their MVP votes before submitting them …… the system is in need of major overhaul. Ablett definitely a worthy winner in 2013, but by 1000 votes? Give us a spell.
GWS

 		we hear one more time that the Giants haven’t yet made Buddy an offer ...
... Terry Wallace’s “spew up” speech will apply. Don’t treat us as fools any longer.
Hawthorn
 		there is a team which has traded better than the Hawks in the past seven years …… well, there isn’t.
Melbourne
 		Peter Jackson hasn’t asked Keith Thomas for some advice on how he helped turn around Port Adelaide …… he should. The Power way should be footy blueprint.
North MelbourneNick Dal Santo goes to the Roos ...… who do you tag? Dal Santo, Harvey, Wells, Ziebell, Atley? Changes the dynamics at this club in a massive way.
Port Adelaide
 		there has been a better turnaround in 12 months of a footy club than this one …… it must have been an outstanding turnaround.
Richmond
 		Dustin Martin is thinking about celebrating like that in a crunch game at a crunch moment …… you seriously have to question where his head is at. And whether it will ever be in the right place.
St Kilda
 		the Saints want to get anywhere in the next 10 years ...… hard decisions need to be made NOW, while their guns have trade currency.
Sydney Swans
 		the Swans learnt anything last Friday night against the Hawks …… it’s that you can’t take injured, or underdone, blokes into a week one final.
West Coast
 		the Eagles actually are as professional and ruthless as they like to make out …... their coaching situation would have been sorted out months ago. Not a great look, right now.
Western Bulldogsthe Dogs can get their hands on Stewart Crameri …...it will be a very important step in their rise up the ladder.

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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian