ON THE outside, it looked as if Tom Boyd had it all.
A lucrative, long-term deal at the Western Bulldogs where he was a key member of the club's drought-breaking premiership, a supportive and loving family and partner, and a playing career that was destined for great things.
But on the inside, Boyd was battling serious inner demons that would ultimately lead to the former No.1 pick pulling the pin on his playing career at just 23 years of age.
Boyd's mental health challenges were well documented during his time in the AFL, and he had spent time away from the game dealing with clinical depression, panic attacks, anxiety and insomnia.
But there was more than that to his sudden and unexpected retirement. Boyd simply didn't want to continue in a job that he no longer enjoyed.
"For me, a large part of the decision to retire at the age of 23 was not so much I was depressed or sad or anxious at that moment, it was 'do I feel like I have the passion to do this work long-term', and if I don't, then the choice is pretty simple for me. I need to move on to the next chapter of my life because I knew that purpose-filled work was a large part of my mental health being in a good place," Boyd told The Inside Game earlier this month.
Boyd played 61 games and kicked 50 goals after being the first player selected in the 2013 NAB AFL Draft, originally heading to Greater Western Sydney before being traded to the Dogs after one season in what was a high-profile, and heavily scrutinised $7 million move.
THE INNER BATTLE Boyd's raw account of life in the spotlight
"When I walked into the AFL and I first started experiencing issues with sleep and anxiety, it was a brand new feeling. It was something I didn't understand so I sort of looked at it as a 'how do I get the outcome I want' as opposed to 'how do I get the ability to cope with life'. And so I had the trade in 2014 and I thought 'this will just fix it', then with the premiership in 2016 I thought, 'this will just fix it' as opposed to realising I needed to learn resilience," he said
"Realistically what resilience was for me was one, to be honest about what issues were going on, two, I don't have all the answers clearly because things aren't going great. But three, what are the support mechanisms, whether they be people or processes, that I need to have in my life to help myself deal with the challenges on a day-to-day basis.
"Instead of me feeling bad for a day then a week then a month, or me not sleeping for a day then a week then a month like I was when I was playing football, it's much more about 'how can I turn this around in this moment' or 'how can I turn this around at least by the end of the day'. And that might be things like just taking a 15-minute break outside or it might be picking up the phone and talking to a friend about how to solve a problem, or instead of letting that issue at work turn into a two-week saga, getting on the front foot and being proactive.
"The feelings I have now are probably not dissimilar to what I had six or seven years ago. But they last a lot less time because I'm able to turn things around a lot quicker."
During his short-lived career in the spotlight, Boyd felt the weight of the world. But nowadays, he has learned to lean on the supports around him and finds himself in a better place to help himself, and others.
"I always felt like people couldn't understand me, that I had to do it on my own. The way that I sort of leveraged that in my mind was, 'I'm a No.1 pick, I'm a guy on a seven-million-dollar contract and I'm a premiership player now," he said.
"My career was vastly unique, so how could anyone help me or how can anyone understand me? Whether that was me not fully accessing the coaching that was available to me or the support staff ... or in particular when it came to my mental health, accessing that bit of support that I really drastically needed.
"It doesn't matter whether you're an AFL footballer like I was who had all of the wonderful things given to him, or you are a regular person doing your regular job. Accessing support and realising there is a shared wisdom around you is something that's always going to be OK, and preferable to the alternative of trying to tackle everything on your own."
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