IF
 		 THEN
 
Adelaide
 		 there was one thing we loved last weekend ... ... it was the big Texan taking a few grabs and kicking a bag. The game is just better when he's doing that.
Brisbane Lions
 		 you don't know the identity of the chairman of this club ... ... we don't blame you. Name is Bob Sharpless. And he doesn't talk publicly.
Carlton
 		 Casboult and Kreuzer respectively break a leg and do a meniscus in the knee and yet can play in 14 days  ... ... we want to know what they've been on. So too, we think, does the Russian track and field team. Miracle recoveries.
Collingwood
 		 you didn't smile when Mason Cox bounced the ball and kicked that goal last weekend ... ... you're either a Geelong supporter or devoid of emotion.
Essendon
 		 26 disposals in round nine and 33 the weekend before becomes the norm for the remainder of 2016 ... ... Adam Cooney will be playing in 2017. And no one, repeat no one, would have predicted that three months ago.
Fremantle
 		 you take a really deep breath, close your eyes and go back to the late-March days when you attempted to forecast the 2016 season ... ... you're a liar if you had this mob anywhere near its 0-9 scoreline.
Geelong
 		 we've gone on and on and on and on about Danger’s good stuff this season ... ... we're obliged to now take a look at one of his flaws. Set-shot goalkicking. It's Trav Cloke-like.
Gold Coast
 		 there's one thing we love ... ... it's a person in the AFL with a strong opinion who is happy to go public. Even Tony Cochrane. For a little while longer, anyway.
Greater Western Sydney

 		 you're accumulating 52 touches in the twos ... ... you deserve a call-up. But given the depth to this team, Tomlinson will probably still be looking for a new home at year's end.
Hawthorn
 		 we were to attempt to play Nostradamus ... ... from here we've got the Hawks down for another eight home-and-away wins, for a total of 14. And from there, anything could happen.
Melbourne
 		 Tommy Bugg keeps performing as he has been ... ... he can chirp as much as he likes on-field. Starting to really warm to his ways.
North Melbourne Kayne Turner was Jack Ziebell or Ben Cunnington ... ... we don't think he'd have been made unavailable for selection until round 17. And that's not downplaying his disgraceful drink driving of last weekend.
Port Adelaide
 		 you publicly lay yourself at the mercy of the Tribunal the day before it sits in judgement of your ugly hit ... ... you'd want to make sure you mount the best possible penalty mitigation strategy in the hearing. Not doing so cost Jonas at least one extra week.
Richmond
 		 there's one thing we can no longer get a read on ... ...  it's the public confidence of the Tigers' leaders. If we didn't know for a fact they are 3-6, we'd be excused for thinking they are 8-1.
St Kilda
 		 there's one thing we'd really like to hear ... ... it is Nick Riewoldt's open take on all aspects of whatever happened during and after last Sunday evening's post-match at Etihad Stadium.
Sydney Swans
 		 the Swans' key defence options are to be exposed at some stage this season ... ... it will be against North, sans Richards. Up against three big men in good form.
West Coast
 		 we're Adam Simpson ... ... we're resting six, or even eight, of our stars this weekend. After the Suns, the Bulldogs and Crows await.
Western Bulldogs Stringer was our favourite to watch at this club  ... ... Bontempelli is closing. Hard.


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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian