IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is in full swing for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.
So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.
>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT
IF ...
the Crows have either been in front of or tied with their opposition in the last quarter of every match this year
THEN ...
they are establishing themselves as a high-end finals possibility. Shouldn't have lost to the Pies last week, but if they heed the lessons out if it, it may actually be the making of them.
IF ..
Daniel Rich is in his 14th season and Dayne Zorko his 11th
THEN ...
that duo is clearly closer to its AFL end than beginning. But in 2023, they remain crucial to flag hopes. Both out for tonight's massive match against the Blues. Not convinced their absences can be covered.
IF ...
the effort required to beat West Coast this year is barely greater than a mid-week training run ...
THEN ...
Charlie booting nine big ones and a 108-point margin last week was nevertheless impressive. The Lions under Friday night lights is the start of a six-match sequence (Bulldogs, Pies, Swans, Demons, Bombers to follow) which will determine the '23 fate of this team.
IF ...
Steele Sidebottom is too modest to say it publicly ...
THEN ...
I'm happy to do it for him. His footy smarts are so elite and acute that he deliberately kicked a match-winning point inside the final minute last week. Having to go coast-to-coast to score in the final 30 seconds was an insurmountably more difficult task for the Crows than dealing with a centre square stoppage where they would've been aided by the 6-6-6 rule. True genius move. As was Ash Johnson's ball slap for a rushed point only moments earlier.
IF ...
this game is never going to have fixture integrity while 18 teams play 23 matches each season ...
THEN ...
the Bombers couldn't care less in 2023. They get West Coast and North Melbourne – twice! Rounds 11 and 12, again in rounds 21-22. Effectively, a guaranteed 16 premiership points coming up.
IF ...
there's one thing a two-time Brownlow medallist should never have to do ...
THEN ...
it is play as a sub. If Nat's good to go, he's good to go. This club has become sooooooo stiflingly conservative in its thinking and its ways that it may not actually get out of the barriers for the 2023 race.
IF ...
Tomahawk had played 333 matches prior to round seven without ever reaching eight goals in a match
THEN ...
it may just be proof that at nearly 35 years of age and in his 17th season he is still getting better. Has now kicked 754 career goals. An extraordinary career, one of true selflessness. The 15th highest goalkicker of all-time, and yet has kicked seven or more on just four occasions. By comparison, Plugger kicked seven or more on 74 occasions, Chief on 58 occasions, 'Nuts' Coventry 63, Gazza 45, Buddy 15.
WHO'S COUNTING? Tomahawk keeps one eye on career-best tally
IF ...
I will have my doubts about this side until it consistently beats good teams, and no, I don't rate the round six and seven victories against North and Richmond
THEN ...
I will at least take note should it somehow defeat Melbourne on Saturday. But I will be highly surprised if I have to take note.
IF ...
footy clubs always bang on about everyone being equal
THEN ...
surely it doesn't apply at this outfit. Toby is not equal to others. Toby, again, single-handedly won a game for the Giants last week. Toby is one of the few box office stars in the AFL and looms as the only reason they can win again this weekend, against their most hated rival, the Bulldogs.
IF ...
your club has jagged at least one flag in each of the past six decades and 13 in total in that timeframe ...
THEN ...
Hawks supporters have every reason to gloat. But strangely, in 2023 they seemingly have no great desire for their club other than to finish bottom of ladder and secure Harley Reid in the draft. Never seen a bunch of supporters more ecstatic with losing six of the first seven games of a season.
IF ...
Kade Chandler had played 10 matches over four seasons before the start of 2023 for zero goals
THEN ...
13 goals, including six goals from the past two games, from the full quota of seven this year says he's arrived. And he looks at home.
ZERO (GOALS) TO HERO The surprise lynchpin of AFL's best forward line
IF ...
Clarko is getting testier by the day
THEN ...
it's understandable. The team he inherited is very, very ordinary. And more than seven months have now elapsed since he was publicly subjected to, without any form of a right of reply, the most serious of allegations laid by former players at his previous club. This matter needs to be finalised by the independent, AFL-appointed body inside the month. And then it will inevitably head to the courts.
IF ...
Jason Horne-Francis does indeed find himself playing against Jake Stringer on Sunday, and let's hope he does
THEN ...
that is going to be a head-to-head clash to get very excited about. JHF has been very, very good this year, twice best-afield (round one v Brisbane, round seven v Saints) and twice match-winning in last quarters (round four v Swans, round five v Dogs).
IF ...
Brendon Gale has been CEO of the Tigers since 2009 and deserves nearly as much credit as Dusty and Dimma for the three flags in that time ...
THEN ...
I can't see him staying beyond this season. I reckon the AFL will present to him a job profile and package he won't be able refuse to run its football division. And he'd be perfect for it.
IF ...
the Saints on Sunday against North Melbourne play to their form of the opening six rounds
THEN ...
here comes an 80-point win.
IF ...
Chad and Isaac and Bud and Tom and Callum all hit top form
THEN ...
the Swans may be a chance against the seemingly indestructible Collingwood. Consistency in 2023 has been non-existent. The backline absences are a major problem, but so too has been the lack of steel amid adversity.
IF ...
a round eight match at the MCG on Saturday pits a team with just one win against another team with only one win
THEN ...
it would normally be a toss of the coin outcome. But one of those teams is the 2023 Eagles. Still don't know how this once-mighty, once-proud organisation has tolerated this demise.
IF ...
Toby looms on Saturday as the main obstacle to victory
THEN ...
all should still be OK. The Bont will have a plan. Even if he's rag-dolled, as happened in an elimination final in 2019.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
the euphoria was genuine and deserved in the granting of a 19th licence to Tasmania ...
THEN ...
the real challenge starts today. No time to waste to establish this team's list, and get this stadium built by 2028. I'd immediately be appointing Peter Gutwein, the former Tasmanian premier who drove this project as hard as Max Verstappen, as club CEO.
