| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | there's a player who deserves a bit of luck from here... | …it's Tom Lynch. He's back this week, eight weeks after the Viney "brace" which broke his jaw. |
| Brisbane Lions | Shane Crawford was well equipped to walk into a media gig when his career ended... | ...Jono Brown might be even better placed. The offers are already pouring in. |
| Carlton | you've just secured the signatures of Gibbs and Yarran... | ...make sure you add Menzel's too. Might happen this week. |
| Collingwood | Brodie Grundy keeps playing twos... | ...maybe this column might have to re-evaluate its "all-time" tag on the bloke. Long way from conceding, though! |
| Essendon | we are reading this accurately... | …big, big drama will engulf Paul Chapman tonight. |
| Fremantle | you want an example of a player prepared to back himself... | ...install Nat Fyfe as Exhibit A. And don't forget we installed him as the second-best player in the comp before the season started. He might be No.1 come late September. |
| Geelong | we are reading this accurately... | ...Joel Selwood will attempt to put Chappy's lights out at some stage tonight. Fairly, of course. |
| Gold Coast | Harley Bennell played his cards right... | ...he wouldn't have signed his new deal until a week after his six-goal, career-best performance. Not the week before it. |
| Greater Western Sydney | you're Tom Boyd... | ...you're going to be mightily rankled today at being axed. You'd also be entitled to start pondering the multiple big offers to play elsewhere that are already in front of you. |
| Hawthorn | a person told you in April that in June that Jon Ceglar would be playing AFL and Ben McEvoy VFL… | …you would have organised help for that person. |
| Melbourne | Melbourne is to consolidate the ground it has made this year... | ...it simply beats the Western Bulldogs on Sunday. |
| North Melbourne | you want a reminder why this game is still worth loving, and let's face it we all do after the events of the past two years... | ...get the video of the moments after Ben Brown kicked his first goal last week. That's what it is meant to be about. |
| Port Adelaide | we're right about this club... | ...it will not just win on Sunday but do an old-fashioned number on its cross-town rival. |
| Richmond | Dusty Martin had exited last year... | ...this disastrous season would have been disastrously worse. Dusty is the only good thing about this mob right now. |
| St Kilda | Lenny Hayes and Nick Riewoldt weren't putting their bodies on the line each week... | ...would anyone, even the most diehard of Saints supporters, have much reason to watch? Let us answer for you: nup. |
| Sydney Swans | Buddy hadn't been part of this club this year... | ...you could mount a strong argument that it wouldn't even be in the eight right now. He's single-handedly won four, maybe five games. |
| West Coast | you hadn't heard of Jeremy McGovern three weeks ago, and need to admit here that we hadn't... | ...it's fair to say you have now. Raw, young, looming as a gun. Just loving his work. |
| Western Bulldogs | there's a game of footy that a club simply has to win in 2014... | ...it is this club this Sunday. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
