| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | Simmo coached his team to the supposedly unloseable finals loss on Thursday night ... | ... Pykey won't have slept well last night, and will be restless again tonight and Saturday night. |
| Brisbane Lions | David Noble isn't in charge of the Lions' footy department inside a month ... | ... we'll be surprised. Job is his if he says yes. |
| Carlton | you're compiling a list of good trades ... | ... factor in the No.33 pick the Blues gave up for Sam Docherty. |
| Collingwood | you think about it carefully ... | ... it makes sense that the Pies are keen to chat about a future with Nicky Dal. Off half-back, would make Pies better. |
| Essendon | Kane Cornes' dream to fight fires was doused before it even started ... | ... we hope the flames in Tayte Pears' dream stay dancing a little longer. |
| Fremantle | you ever stop to think about the toll of this game ... | ... don't ever forget Anthony Morabito. In 2009, he was going to be anything. |
| Geelong | you go back through recent history and think of the players who have demanded the finals stage ... | ... Duck, Gaz snr, Jars, Hodgey, Bud, Derm, The Dominator, Longy come to mind. Reckon Danger will join them after tonight. |
| Gold Coast | this club needed some good news on the player retention front ... | ... it came with big Tom Nicholls agreeing to a new deal. |
| Greater Western Sydney | there's one thing that Stevie J has been thinking about all year ... | ... it is the qualifying final which looms at 3.20pm AEST Saturday afternoon. |
| Hawthorn | the Hawks add Mitchell, Vickery and O'Meara this year ... | ... there's no reason they won’t go after Fyfe and Hogan next year. They just get deals done while other clubs are too scared to even pick up the phone. |
| Melbourne | we're extremely happy for Jack Viney in securing the Demons' best and fairest ... | ... we're equally disappointed for Max Gawn that he didn't win it. Thought he did more than enough. |
| North Melbourne | you're Brad Scott right now ... | ... you're channelling Luke Beveridge. |
| Port Adelaide | you bring in Ryder and Dixon on massive money ... | ... there's not much point in having them on your books if it squeezes out a quality mid. Salary cap exploding. |
| Richmond | a cardiologist reckons he knows how the Tigers should play footy ... | ... good on him. Adversely impacted his cause to become club boss that he chose to express that publicly though. |
| St Kilda | you cut Delaney and leave Fisher and others hanging, while in the full knowledge Goddard has an Achilles issue ... | ... we know you're up to something. |
| Sydney Swans | your side has Nankervis, Aliir, Hewett, Naismith, Marsh, Papley and X Richards, and you're the No.1 team entering finals ... | ... you've got a gun coach. |
| West Coast | the track's not flat as a pancake flat ... | ... this mob won't cut it. Past two finals have been embarrassing. Need to make some serious calls on personnel, style, attitude, big names (hello Jack). And stop drinking the bathwater. It's all become a bit too cosy, despite what Simmo says. |
| Western Bulldogs | there's room on that little roundabout outside Whitten Oval for another statue ... | ... they may soon need to squeeze in another bust – for the little bloke with long hair, massive biceps and who played just 31 games for the club back in the '90s. |
| And wait, there's more, as per constant reader request ... | ||
| AFL | you're going to do the right and proper thing and establish a legitimate women's league ... | ... make sure you provide a right and proper pay structure for the footballers. And, arguably even more important than that – right and proper governance around all aspects of operations. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
