The column to read during Better Homes & Gardens
REUNIONS - these are the sounds of days that are past
In the brilliant sunshine of an AFL season (usually spotted in Brisbane or Perth in early April), personality differences can be forgotten, enmities cast aside and the strong desire to throttle your teammate or coach is put on the backburner as everyone from the president to the bloke who buys soy cappuccinos for the boot-studder presents a united front in pursuit of greater glory.
But once everyone’s gone their separate ways and you’ve been free to tell all and sundry how you’d rather watch a Federal election debate than spend another moment in player X’s company, it can be hard to see the way ahead if, like Kevin and Julia, you find yourself brought awkwardly together again.
Here are a few AFL reunions that would hold more than a passing interest for all concerned:
Luke Darcy and Terry Wallace feedback reunion tour: Luke and Terry have 15 minutes in steel cage to perfect the art of giving and receiving ‘feedback’ until one of the two nods gracefully and uses the phrase ‘That’s a fair point’ (or is knocked out).
Dale Kickett team reunion week: Dale commits himself to attending five consecutive team reunion nights under the proviso that the moment he forgets the name of a former teammate he will be forced to re-enact the Demolition Derby from Subiaco in 2000.
Hawthorn and unsociable football reunion: The Hawks premiership team from 2008 demonstrates the concept of unsociability to newcomers like Shaun Burgoyne, Josh Gibson etc by stumbling into the venue, mingling awkwardly amongst guests, refusing to talk much and then accidentally breaking some crockery while leaving the function early.
Barry Hall and Brent Staker reunite in Sydney: A repentant Barry cooks up a delicate four-course meal for Brent (with a little help from Adam from Masterchef) and the two share a relaxing dinner in the middle of a floodlit SCG while debating the finer points of the croquembouche.
Tweets you didn’t see this week
- Spelling error sees Eagles defender Eric Mackenzie suspended - Norse explorer Erik the Red left confused by AFL communiqué
- Melbourne Football Club now debt free after a dozen members check jackets for spare change
- Fears for North Melbourne/Fremantle crowd as both attendees weigh up conflicting offer to see Inception at the movies
- Carlton’s brand irreparably damaged by Brett Ratten’s use of the word ‘brand’
- Victorian government signs Mike Pyke for two years to promote troubled Myki ticketing system
- Voss denies rumours that crate of wooden spoons placed on the 50m line may replace Fevola in the Lions’ forward line this week
- Pies and Cats prepare to put seasons on the line in winner-takes-all battle for … um, four points. Lions and Eagles to do likewise.
Dream team smokie
Forget the ball-magnets, goal-kickers and lovers of the contested footy. Here are Dream Team superheroes you won’t hear the ‘experts’ talking about.
This week is the beginning of Dream Team finals, a time when the weather starts to improve, games begin at 2.30 and the national anthem gets a merciless flogging.
It’s also a time where the term minor premiership suddenly has some currency around the water cooler as Dream Teamers who couldn’t squeak into the top eight in their league try to pretend that they still have something to play for.
It is with this last desperate grasp at glory in mind that your final reckless trade should be in the direction of exotically named Melbourne ruckman, Max Gawn.
Bailey won’t pick him, he hasn’t scored a point all year, but 3793 lovers of irony have selected the 208cm giant in their squad.
And after this weekend’s round of elimination finals, thousands of Dream Team coaches will certainly sympathise with the feeling of being Gawn.
The views in this story are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL.
