1: Don't mention the war
DEFEATISM. If you believe the English – and we rarely do – it's the attitude the French adopt when faced with Germans wielding things that have pointy ends or go boom. But there is a new definition, courtesy of the North Melbourne Football Club and tagger supreme Brady Rawlings.
So distressed were the Roos with Gary Ablett the Second's ability to weave, dodge, squirm, wriggle, slip, slop and slap through the meaty, toned arms of their would-be tacklers, that they requested the boys not to bother any more. Don't worry about tackling him. Forget it.
Good thinking. It's like closing your eyes when something bad is happening, or clapping your hands over your ears and going 'La, la, la' when you don't want to listen to something. North is apparently preparing to hand over the Sudetenland as we speak.
2: Misty water-coloured memories
IT MUST seem like déjà vu (all over again) for Port Adelaide coach Mark Williams. Waxing lyrical in his column about the delights of dealing with spotty-faced, testosterone-laden youth, he noted "I’ve been in the system and coached for almost 20 years now and I can remember watching Matthew Lloyd and Scott Lucas at age 16 and 17 struggle to get a kick for several weeks in a row."
And that, dear readers, is what Choco can watch every week in 2008 if he trots along to an Essendon match. Even Matthew Knights has acknowledged that, for Llloydy at least, the glory days may be over. Adopting the French-North Melbourne model, he reckons he doesn't expect much from the skipper these days apart from remembering to go to the middle for the toss of the coin and to keep his shorts hitched up.
3: Good, better, best
WHILE Knights was giving his captain a hurry-up-and-retire message, Geelong counterpart Mark Thompson was busily doling out the praise to all and sundry. 'Better' was a word that passed his lips many times, with only a few teams making the 'I Can't Believe It's Not Better' category.
Seven sides could win the flag, Bomber suggested, and so impressed was he with everything and everyone – including his own mob – that he probably would have agreed that Melbourne had a decent chance at the flag as well if Robbo hadn't gone down, Neita hadn't retired, Ron Barassi hadn't defected to Carlton and Norm Smith was still coaching.
4: Men in Black. And white.
WE MUST thank Collingwood for explaining why there are so many young men with buffed physiques, shaven heads and sunglasses at the team's Mad Monday, Thoughtless Tuesday and Wet 'n' Wild Wednesday post-season celebrations. They're not the players – they're the security detail assigned to look after the players.
The good news is that Magpies players can enjoy a night out during the footy season without being surrounded by razor wire, landmines and armed Rottweilers. The only tagging they'll get is on the field.
What to look for on afl.com.au this Wednesday
Coaches. You're spoiled for choice
Head honchos ranging from cheerful (Rodney Eade and Brett Ratten) to probably not so cheerful (Dean Laidley) will opine thoughtfully on the state of the sport of Australian football.
The column of columns
In the Four Points household Friday is for fish and chips, Tuesday is for a beer down the pub with Caro, Mike, Wallsy and Hutchy, every fourth Thursday is for our bath, and Wednesday ... Wednesday is for Huddo.
