1: A piddling offence

THEY say that bad luck comes in threes. And so, it seems, do pees. Hawthorn’s Mark Williams is the latest footballer to adopt the modern trend towards ignoring the porcelain when it comes to spending a penny, joining Brendan Fevola and Kane Johnson in the poo, as it were. It probably has something to do with concern about global warming and not wishing to waste water by flushing, err, waste.

Williams was fined $500 for piddling on the pristine surface of Box Hill City Oval before last weekend’s VFL match against Tasmania. And we thought Box Hill was dry. Or is that Camberwell? Anyway, we were once told by our old wives that weeing on a lemon tree helps it grow, so the AFLPA might be well advised to issue all players with a mini tree that they can carry with them at all times in case they are caught short.

2: East meets West

IT’S LOVELY to see that Sydney Swans CEO Myles Baron-Hay is fully behind the proposal for a second team way out west in the Harbour City. He says the case for expansion of the AFL to two teams in Sydney is “quite compelling” and that for the AFL to become truly national it needs representation in western Sydney and the Gold Coast.

With the sort of name that would have got him beaten up at most schools west of George St, we suspect B-H hasn’t been out that way terribly often, but still …

3: Contractual arrangements

ACCORDING to Melbourne’s little paper Michael Voss is “white-hot” favourite for the job coaching the new Gold Coast Starfish. And that he may be given an unprecedented seven-year contract to lead the Dreamworlds. Which would be the longest contract since Leigh Matthews was told by Collingwood president Allan McAlister after the 1990 premiership that he could coach the Magpies for life. Hmmm.

And there’s also Frank Costa’s suggestion that Mark Thompson was welcome to coach Geelong for the next decade or until he lost four games in a row, whichever came first. There’s a lot of love out there for coaches. Vossy, of course, is a Queensland boy, born in Traralgon … Umm. Vossy, of course, is quite Queenslandish, really, and would be a perfect for fit for the Meter Maids.

4: Sit on it and rotate

MELBOURNE coach Dean Bailey says his team’s record 119 “rotations” last week against Geelong were not planned. Given the general acknowledgment that the Dees are taking a long time to come to terms with Bailey’s new game plan, that’s probably a good thing.

Imagine asking a bunch of blokes who can’t work out whether they should kick short, handball long, run fast and mark high or vice-versa to run on and off the ground at the rate of one a minute. You’d have lots of rotating and a lot of dizzy little Demons. But at least they’d be competitive, eh Dean?

What to look for on afl.com.au this Wednesday

Mid-week madness

The coaches come out to play on Wednesday. Mark Harvey, John Worsfold, Brett Ratten and Mick Malthouse will speak sagely about things football.

Number’s up

Scott McLaren, the field umpire most likely to answer “Over here” when the call goes out for look-alikes for Mr Tweedy from Chicken Run, will talk about his looming 300th match.

Huddo on Wednesday

And Huddo on Wednesday, written by Huddo on Tuesday, will be presented for your delectation.